^_^

Monday, November 24, 2008 3:36 AM

To my dearest V,

Still cant find my datacable so i have to resort to typing.
I like voice messages better but this will also be fine :p.

Im still warm from competition today so maybe i will get a little bit sick but who knows. Lets just hope i wont get sick and everything will be fine. It was below 0 Celcius degrees today and my toes were quit cold. I was prepared for cold weatherer but finding good isolation for your feet is difficult. Annyway, we had a small fire to keep ourselfes warm during waiting for games.The bad thing is i owned everybody today on the field and most games were finished within a minute. I lost one game becouse i made a wrong decision to go for a obstacle without shooting at my opponent. Becouse of this he could get a free shot at me and luckaly he made a hit. Its quit hard to hit an opponent that is running but still a stupid action as what i did. Thats why i tought that i deserved to be second and learn for next games. Still he had a lot of luck but i heard in the car with some of my friends that the were positifly sure the winner was shot a couple of times only the bad thing is the fieldrefs gave him points as he would have won. To loose becouse of my mistake okey but to loose from other peoples mistakes hurts. Afther all i had a nice day even if it was cold and my narcis me knows i was the winner that day. I still won a medal and a cup for second place.

Also i got some more good news. Whoehoe..... I got my grades for my exams yesterday. This period i had to do 3 exams. One of plant/tree knowledge, one about microscope and plant structure, and one about plantcells and ecology. You already know i didnt pass the plant/tree exam but you didnt knew about the other two. When i did the exams i didnt had a good feeling about the two becouse i had the idee that i didnt knew any of the questions. Well i had the wrong feeling becouse i got cum laude grades. This means i got grades above 7 and im still in the running for my cum laude diploma. In Belanda this is important to have if you want to get good job or another study. Also for getting scollarships like you told me about. So im quit happy about my grades and also well motivated for next period. Alo a bit wurried about my plant/tree exam. Not sure when i have to redo it becouse i have to wait till the plants will grow leaves again (in winter the will drop from the trees).

Tommoro i dont have to go to school to take anny classes but still have an apointment with a student to discus some things. Tommoro i will look up my information to ask for a visa and send it te DEK school. Im a bit wurried about DEK school becouse i havnt heard from them since my last email. I didnt ask for annything in that email but i just send them information about my status. This has bin a few weeks ago but if they wont respond on my email tommoro i still have annother school i got contact with. No wuries there my dear.

Im also already looking for stuff that would prepare me for my gerney to Indonesia again. Also i got some new sunglasses but thats not realy important stuff. You will see them later :p.

Im also looking forward to see your new shop. Maybe you can employ this bule to work at your counter. Im quit handy with electrical stuff but dont speek your language. Is that a problem?

I also made contact this week with the international bureau. We agreed to make a apointment and he will help me to prepare my request for my visa. Like you said you were a bit wurried about me if i could arrange everything and also i am a bit wurried. I have to arange al ot of stuff thats new for me. This takas alot of time and sometimes i dont even know were to begin. This makes me sometimes a bit scared and makes me wurried. I already tried to make contact with this man but when i was searching for him i never found him at his office and also didnt knew his email adress. Last week i bumbet in to him becouse someone mentioned his name (also i didnt knew his face). I grabed my chance and emediatly asked him if he had a little bit of time. I told him about my plans and asked him if he could help me. Hey told me he had alot of experiance and was willing to help. Thank god i now have some help from a experianced person so i dont have to discover every new thing.I also think i need the help becouse next to my study aranging things for my trip takes alot of time. Also this is the first time in my life im aranging everything myself without help from my school. I think the help from this man will help me alot and also he was nice so thats a good thing.

Enough for today and speek to you tommoro my dearest.

Muuuuuaaach.

READ MORE - ^_^

To super V, the girl i love with all my heart

Saturday, November 15, 2008 8:02 AM

Hey dear,

I havnt opened my email box in twoo days. Finnaly got some spare time to write you something. Yesterday i also wanted to write you something but the damn thing didnt work. But here it is this basterd finally writes back :P. I was planning to writ you already hole week but so manny things and so tired when finaly home. If i got home i emediatly fall asleep on the couch (probally explaines my back pain :p). Its 1 oklock midnight and just came home. This time i didnt fel asleep on couch but went staight to the computer to type.

Manny things happend this week that i couldnt tell you with text messages. I didnt want to make you worry about small things and its hard to explain in twee sentences. Dont worry my dear nothing bad happend at least not realy that bad. I will start telling about last satterday.

Satterday night i had small excident. I tripped and hurt my back. My back is still a bit brused but just afther 15 minutes it was already getting better and i feel already great again. Also i had a small infection in my thumb and today the docter cut my finger open and cleaned it. Now he wants me to take antibiotics but you already know im against that. My mother convinced me to get them and i will start taking them tommoro. Cutting my finger open wasnt a realy nice job. He grabed a surgical knife and without telling me what his plans were he started cutting in my finger. Ouch... that hurt. Also this problem was easually solved and afther the pus was removed my finger felt much better. Except fur the wound he just made :p.

School is also taking much of my time lately. The ask us to do ridiculous tasks and the also take alot of my time. Manny report writing and artical reading and for what? nothing. Hopefully afther this weekend i will have less work to do becouse this is taking alot of my energy and afther school im to tired to do annything else. I think i also have to start taking some vitamine pills so i can keep up and get some more energie. Also i had made some things for you and want to send them to you. They are still in my house and im at my parrents but i will try to fix that this weekend. Im also currious about what you are gonna say about these things. I think you will like it.

btw, you didnt tell me yet what was your favorite colour was.

I also have bin moddeling again this week. Yesterday and this morning. Ofcourse it was fun to do but also there something went wrong. During moddeling i became unwell and at first i became dissie and afther that it became white before my eyes. Well i have never fainted in my entire life but people i know describe these as starter simptons. I started to sweat and my face was completly pale. I told the people there i needed a small brake and afther drinking a glass of wather i was already feeling better. I went to the toilet to freschen myself and i continued to work. This was yesterday. I think this became of over working and i think its a warning signal for me to take it more easy. I still have alot to do this weekend but i will try to dose it as much as possible. I have to keep thinking of my health and dont got to over worked.

Also today i got the news from the elder commision that they will give my the final desission 1st of december. I already told them thats to late for me but they said thats the date they will meet and decide. I hate the elder commission already but dont tell them that i said that to you. Im not planning to wait that long and decided that i will already start the preparations to go to indonesia. I will write the DEK school tommoro to tell them i will be going in feberuary and will ask them to write an official invitation for me. I already have the concept in english and indonesian so the only thing they have to do is change the name and date. I already decided to go to indonesia and i will no longer wait for the decission made by the elder commission. They have let me waiting already to long (also you :p) and i will just start preparing. If they give final answer in december there will be a chance that i will not make it on time with my visa so to bad for them but now i will take controll of the situation.

I mis my girlfriend and i want to see her. Thats it, thats my final answer. Period!!

Miss you verry much my dear and dont worry about my health at the moment. I already know i have to take it more easy and already started to do something about it.


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About the business idee.

Dont know how long that idee already has bin in my head and wanted to tell you. First of all its a bit of a stupid idee and also i dont know the complete way of things of your country. Its just a idee and maybe it will benafit you or others.

I was thinking. At this moment it is still rain season and you were telling me that there were less people on the street and at the plaza, right? Why not make an website of your stock? It could be an website whit your shops name were (stupid people like me) could ask questions about products and stuff you are selling. If they are looking for something they cann look it up if you have it. So they cann pick it up at your shop or afther payment you can send it to them by postoffice. You can advertise about your website at your counter and possibally if you also add the stock from your brothers and sisters counters you will have an website with enough of stuff to choose from.

There is already a flaw in this plan as i written from one of your last email that you dont have an bank account. Im also not shure about the excesabillaty of indonesian people to the internet. Now a days in belanda 90% of the peole have internet at home but 10 years ago it was still 9%. Not shure how much indonesian (Padang) people have internet at home or how frequent they use it.

In this way they can order things from your shop (and maybe others) without having to go outdoors through the rain. Dont be to harsh to me and tell me that im a idiot. Just tell me: honey, you are a sweat boy but just mind your own business :p. Let me know what you think of this idee and if such a thing is even possible. Im currious also.

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About your famaly. You told me about problems with police and lowns and stuff. To be honnest im a bit confused. The your dad part i get but the things with your brother and sis are not that clear to me. What were you trying to say and hu? swiching from shop and switching some more... Why?

Its already getting to late and realy need some sleep now. I will think of you in my dreams and have fanasy that im already in padang.

Love you so much my dearest Via. So much!!!

Xx

READ MORE - To super V, the girl i love with all my heart

RE: sorry

Friday, November 7, 2008 4:59 PM

These past days i had the idee of loosing you. This was disturbing me and i couldnt sleep. Reading this mail and the reactions of these past weeks i think i already lost you. This gives me no hope for the future becouse even when the eldercommision will agree im thinking "what next". My feelings went up and down these past weeks from yes i do want make this work and from this is hopeless. I think this situation wont get better and my feelings getting less by the day. I cant see what you are doing there in padang and contact these past week has bin verry awkward. I dont know where your mind is at the moment but the last thing i remembered you said that you wont keep your heart any more. If you wont keep your heart that means you dont trust me. All i could ask of you was trust becouse at that moment it was all i could give. You accused me of making no secrifises at all and instead you were making all the secrifises. Do you know this is true? Are you 100% sure that you are the only one?Still i cant give you anything at this moment becouse i dont have any news from the eldercommision. They told me that they would decide before this thursday and let me know the same day. Even today i havnt heard from them since. Is this normal? Yes it is quit commen. Why? I dont know and i cant do anything about it. Did this happen before? Yes it did becouse it happend lat summer also. Why? I also dont know. The only thing i can do is whait some more and ask again this monday.

I dont realy know how to close down this email becouse there is alot going on in my mind right now. You already said it and im thinking it but maybeit is better to let go of each other. At this moment i dont see our relationship work becouse it is getting worse by the day for both of us. Correct me if im wrong honey abou all of this but this is how i see the situation at the moment. It hasnt get better since it got worse and at this pase i cant wait another fw months to se you. I think i would already have lost you by then becouse you wont keep your heart for me.

Let me know what you think so i wont look like a total fool.From your dearest geart.

READ MORE - RE: sorry

I want to ask you something

Thursday, October 30, 2008 11:52 PM

Hey Via,

First i will start of with the usual. These past days were tence but i do my normal things still. Thanks for sending me he good luck wish this wensday. I did screwed up my presentation becouse i couldnt keep my head clear while presentating. Still i got an 8 on my presentation but i could get higher score. <-- the teacher told me i had natural flare sow it overcompensated the missing information. Good thing i still have flare.

Also study takes alot of effert to keep my head while reading. I keep getting distracted becouse my mind slips away and start thinking about you. I will manage but it takes alot of effort.

A friend asked me to take pictures of him and his brassband this saterday. As a joke i asked him what i will get from it and he answerd that i could listen to the performance for free. I said thats a big reward listening for one and a half hour to screaching noices of a brassband :p Of course i still agreed but asked not to use the pictures for commercial reasons. I think it will be a fun night out and also nice to take pictures of a friend performing his hobby :-).

Also two of my sis have their birthday next week so while study i also have to fiend pressants. No time to think about that but i will come up with somthing usefull.

-----------------------------------------------

Now the problem part that gives us all the burdon at the moment.

I want to ask you something becouse i think it will be verry important for future. If in february we will find out that 'this is it' can you wait some more time? What im trying to say is that you already told me you dont want to wait long but the problem is i still have to finish my study first. This will take some few years longer and can you wait that long. I cant come verry often to indonesia becouse if i want to go i need finance from scholarships. I asked my studycoach and this internship in february is the only one were it is possible to do uproad. I can try to arange to study for one semester in indonesia but again im pending on the desission of the eldercommision and the indonesian school ofcourse. Also this will not benafit my study so overall i have to study longer. i realy would like you to think about this one becouse i think its important.

There is annother problem i read in your last email (actualy also before). You are having doubts and that makes the situation difficult. I didnt want to hurt you and maybe love makes you do stupid things. At least it happens to me alot. I know you are already hurt and also i am. Im still hurt becouse of what you said to me and to who you compared me with. At first i was shocked but now im deply hurt. Also i have doubts on you but will not make desisions based on anger.

Im sorry to made you feel hurt and im sorry that i cant go on december. Im deeply sorry but its hard to make up for what has already happend. I did the best i could for making my plans real but im human too. I did made mistakes and will correct them if so. Im still the guy that you know from back indonesia and im not some kind of ass thats fooling around and playing games. I dont want to play games and you dont deserve to be played with, atleast not in this kind of way. Lets just say im sorry honey and ask of you to rethink if your heart is still there? Be honnest to your self and to me. Thats all im asking of you right now.

To my dearest Via

READ MORE - I want to ask you something

RE: u got mail

Tuesday, October 28, 2008 4:21 AM

Girl,

Im sorry that i havnt replied you that much today, but didnt found the time to write something. I got a headache from long time study today and a little meltdown inside my small brains :p. i feel already a bit better but a good night of sleep will fix my (over)study headache.

My parrents just got home today and told me all about their holliday in china. They had the time of their life there and seen alot. Looking forward to see their pictures that they have taken.

Im wurried about you still honey, becouse i have the feeling there is something up your mind. Is it something you cant tell or dont you know whats wrong? Im sorry to keep asking but becouse of wurry i keep restless. Its since the the day that your friend told about western people and i have the feeling that something is bothering you still. I went to one of the leading persons of the elder commision today and ask about my motivation letter. He told me that he didnt knew about my letter but will take a look at it. Typical school mentality becouse i hear this alot, also from other teachers that will ask for something but when you give it you have to keep asking so they will look at it. He also asked me if i talked about my plans with my studycouch and i was happy to tell him that i did indeed and she agreed with me going. He enshured me that if she would be okey with it i dont have to wurry that the elder commision would disapprove. Ofcourse he also said that this didnt ment my request already approved but would think likely that it would get disapproved. The next thing i asked/told him that i had some time presure becouse of schollarships and arangings. He said that there was annother meeting soon and becouse of my time limmit he will squeeze my letter in that meeting somehow. I thanked him and of course have to wait again (bluhhh...). Im used to these answers becouse every school i have bin are the same. I made prommise to myself that i will stalk them all for every few days if they already discussed my letter. This way they will not forget. Im happy that the man told me it would be likely that my requst would get disapproved, but to bad communication between them is soo bad/slow. Noew its my turn to take incharge of things and try to speed up.

Sunday we got 1 hour back in time to adjust to winter time. This means we now have a difference of six hours between us, but not sure if within your region als time changes. You asked if i had school tommoro and i dont have class tommoro but still wil go to school. Wenday i have to do an presantation about my next internship (to indonesia :p) and have to build an presantation with my group partner. We have to build an presantation tommoro so i want go for ferry long. Afther that i will study again for my exams next week. To be honnest i like school but i dont like exams. I always have to study to manny chapters and after the exams i will forget more then 50 % instenatly. Alse exams give alot of presure becouse our school try to keep high standards. Today i had to to an exam in determing spiecies and we must get 80 % of the questions right to pass the exam. Sometimes they will ask just to much. I also had to do an similar determination exam during an excursion of several days on an island. Every day we had to walk small field excursions and our gide told during the walking what plan, bird, insect, etc, etc was what. We had to remember these (total of more then 150) and after few days we got exam and they would ask us a 100 questions about what they showed/told us. To pass exam we had to have atleast 80 of them correct. Crazy and i was soo happy to pass. Also ferry tired afther thes days becouse of lack of sleep and stress.

Okey enough for now becouse i also need my sleep. Like to hear from you again dear and see you soon.

Big kiss on those sweat lips of yours

Xx

READ MORE - RE: u got mail

RE: hate tobe here

Sunday, September 28, 2008 5:27 PM

Hey Via,

To bad you got trobles at home I realy wish best for you. If I understand your email correctly you have stayd with your friend last night. I realy hope you feel better right now but I understand you have the feeling that you dont like to stay among them. Maybe you have changed allot while staying in jkt and also you have bin living on your self for the past 5 years. I think these two things have allot of influece on your stay at your parrents house right now.I moved out when i just got 18 years old and lived for 3 years on my own. When i finally moved back to my parrents house to live with them for just two months I realy couldnt be myself annymore. I couldnt apply my own houserules and it felt realy weard to live at my parrents again. Its almost impossible to discribe but i know i didnt feel at home.I got allot of friends how are way older then me and the told me its a commen thing. Allot of them also had the same experience like i had but also couldnt describe it. Im not shure if you are feeling the same thing like im trying to explain right now but i got the feeling this is could be it. Only you know best.I think im starting to know you a little and the one thing thats importent for you i think is god. So Via I think its best to stay truth to god. I get a littlebit worried if you tell me that you forget to pray. I hate it when im not here with you right now to take care and to make you comfort. Also me being verry far away is one of your burdens right now. How to fix how to fix. I dont know honey.

Yes i was at my moms birthdayparty all night. It started when i just got home from training and ended realy late. We stayed at a restaurant and had somekind of spanisch/turkisch food there. Its called tapas and its verry famous feed in Europe. There was only one problem. Since i have tasted the fresch herbs and food in Indonesia i cant enjoy the food annymore in Belanda. The herbs here are not fresch and there is much less taste. I try to enjoy the food here but its realy hard when you know there is better. Try to imagion that you eat normall nice Indonesian fooddishes and suddenly you only can eat Indomie for a long time. This is how im feeling right now. Like im eating instand indomie all the time.Except for the food the party was great. We all gave my mother a sort of painting that we made ourself. We made five 'paintings', one per child and we tryed to express what we would think of when thinking about my mother. I will send you a picture of them later this week.I made a 'painting' of a ying yang and put pices of pictures in it. I took some pictures of my mothers old and new companny and pictures while she was working. I cut some parts out and put them in the black part of the ying yang. Also i made some pictures of here hobby, house and other things she likes to do. I put these pictures in the white side of the ying yang. As a finisching part i put a picture of my dad in the white circle in the black part and a picture of my mom in the black circle in the white part. When i gave my mother this 'painting' i told here: "that she was a ying yang. If i think of you i would think about your work. You are always working hard and working to a point where you have more spare time for your self. You are always complaining that you dont have much spare time and you always have to work hard. This is your black side of the ying yang. You also try to do allot of your hobbys that will give you rest and inner peace. You like to travel becouse when you travel you cant do your work and this will give you new energie. These things represent your white side of the ying yang. There is still one part i didnt explain to you and those are the two circels in each side. In the black side of the ying yang there is a white circle with the face of dad. He is always the one who tells you to calm down when you are working to hard. Also he is the only person that will always give suport wen you come home all tyred from work. He represents your white circle in your stressfull life of the black side within the ying yang. In the white side of the ying yang there is a black circle with the face of you. When your companny is stable and there is less to do you get more time for your hobbys. You are always complayning to everybody that you want more time for your hobbys and more spare time. But instead of spending more time for your self you will start expending your companny or get annother job. Thats why you are the black circle within the white part of the ying yang. You are the one who always imbalance your own ying yang but you are also the one who will balance your ying yang. This imbalancing and balancing of your life is what you do and are and this is what i think of when i think of you." I hope i written it clear enough for you becouse its hard to explain in a email. Also writing isnt my forte but i will do my best for you. Hahaha, lets just say you are an important person to me and i like to do my best for people who are dear to me .

Also there is annother thing i wanted to tell you. I got a little excident yesterday becoese some asshole didnt want me to pass. I was cycling to my parrents house and was in a hurry. I was planning to pass somekind of asshole (didnt knew that before trying to pass, but still) but he didnt want me to pass. I dont know why but he cut me off so i couldnt pass but becouse of that i had to avoid colliding whit him and he made me loose controll of my cycle. Ofcours i felt down and he made some kind of stupid comment and cycled away.Now i got some bruces and my food looks a bid bad but its getting better already. I hate people like that and there are getting more and more of them each day. At first i was mad but afther some time i figured out he was just a pitiful man with a small dick and had to prove himself that he was tough. Thinking of this calmed me down and i could enjoy my mothers party again.

It took me two hours to write this so i realy got hungry right now. I will have something to eat and talk to you later.


Love

READ MORE - RE: hate tobe here

RE: islam preface 1

Saturday, October 25

Hey honey,

I will read it tommoro becouse to tired right now and realy wat to sleep. Always fall asleep on couch and wake up all stiff. About your previous mail. First of all cheating is not in my nature and i havent cheated a gf before. Actually i think a also cant cheat. If i would cheat i couldnt look my gf straight in the eyes anny more of guild. I dont have anny respect for cheating and couldnt bear to see someone get hurt by it. It happend to me several times that a gf cheated on me or i had the feeling that she cheated on me. Trust me, it hurts when you find out. If someone would cheat on me or i have the feeling of being cheated on will mean i cant trust you anny more and if there is no trust there will also be no relationship.Well about the angry part. I can get angry of cours but alwais try to controll of this feeling. I always give short time to rethink and loose of anger before i act. Sometimes need big hug when angry (calms me down faster ). Never hurt a lady when angry and never grabed tight on arm when angry. Why? dont like to hurt someone even when girl would try to hit me. Maybe will try to grab hand then but thats self deffence (cant annything happen to my pretty face :p). I only fisical hurt boys when they attack me. I never attack first but im not affraid to hit back when attacked (im still boy to). Im always in controll when angry becouse im controll freak. I had some fights with boys but always keep my head straight to think and stay calm. This makes me dangerous when fighting becouse rage will not take over and i can antisipate. It also kept me allive in a situation becouse offender had knife.No honey, you dont have to be afraid when im angry becouse even when angry im still resonable and open for solving conversation. Im not sure if you are when angry but will see about that one later. My last exgf was very jealous person and got angry at me many times. Becouse of jealousy or just becouse of small thing. Sometimes i event knew why she got angry to me but i learned alot from her anger. She was a emotional person and could get angry to me out of the blue. I know you are emotional person to but not as bad as she was. Her flipping emotions were the wurst i ever encountert in my life and still i managed to keep my head up. This will make me confert to know i can also deal with your emotions.

Becouse of many sis i know more of wommen then normall man do. Also i have female cheracterisics. I like shopping alot (even when broke . Bad quallity of me, i know). I can shop for hours without getting tired and give good advice too. All gf liked to shop with me honey. Trust me you will also like it :p. Most of the time i know how wommen feel and know when to listen instead of giving advice. I also have bad quility becouse sometimes im to honnest. I can get angry on small things when under pressure. Never on people (thats why they say im good material for teaching) but on things im working on. It has bin already a long while that i became angry on small material things but i think its becouse of loosing alot of my perfectionism. Normally when i feel anger ill just hit something that cant break when somebody is not looking . It will ease myself down realy fast and gives releave too. When i know i have too much tension all do something that will releave my stress. Like taking a bath/shower or do one of my many hobbys. Ill just take some time for myself and all stress will be gone fast.Will i fit your profile to get fed up? Lets see, not on time/late: What i learned from indonesia is not to push yourself to be on time everywere especially padang. Its impossible to estimate time and also im not realy good in estimating time. This will happen of course but i will try my best not to. Cant let a pretty girl like you wait to long cant i?. Maybe i have to take that one back becouse have bin already to many times late with you . But i tryed my best to be on time and that what counts not sure if you think the same on that subject. Lazyness? Im not a lazy person so nope not afraid for his one. jealousy, also not afraid for that one. I cant commit rerationship when im jealous becouse if i am that means im not trusting you. Also im not realy jealous person. If someone is better then me thats what it is. I cant be good at everything. If somebody is better than me in something im good of then i just have to work harder. I know there are always people better then me at something. Thats life and i have to deal with it. For stupid, i think i will fit this profile do i? :p (let you be the judge of that). Slowly, i think i will fit this profile. One of the things i know of myself im not a realy fast person. Well i can run fast and have fast reflexes but performing tasks will take me more time than other people. Like i said in a voice record a long time ago. I was born with the umbilical cord (thing that connects the baby with placenta) arround my neck and it almost chocked me to death. Becouse of this i can only use one brainpart at the time. This makes me a bit slower than normall people. In return i take more care in doing stuff so in the end it will look nicer (not always of course). I think the last ones are a message to me personally so i will not answer those of course :p. Thats it for now also. I will now start writing the other stuff and stop with this long reply on your mail .

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Pictures!!! Jeeee... finaly i got some pictures of my house. Just the living room becouse the rest is not descent yet. Only want to send you the verry best honey but you will have to wait for some time. First have to do exams and then i will redecorate rest of rooms. Its already my house for almost one and a half year but never took the time to make it mine. I started but never finnished till now of course. Why? Before i never felt home, i didnt had central heating system (winters here are cold and long), got fight with upper neighbors ( the are dumb and selfish people), to bussy, etc, etc. Now i brought some stuff back from indonesia so it will feel more comfort then before. I lid the candels and put on my lamp before taking the pictures. Emediatly the room felt warm and comfort (finally ). I totally redecorated it and its almost finnished. I just need to personalise it a bit more with small belongings and daily stuff. Hope you will like the room baby and i will tell in each picture what i did.

Pic 1:
I hanged up the two paintings that i once bougth in Czech republic and also put down the two waiang (probally not correct term) on my english closet. Before i could hang down the two paintings i had to build a hanging construction from a old curtain hanger and some wire. Also the cable on the floor had to be rewired properly. What still needs to be don is to get rid of the ugly stone tiles. I will try to build wood and curved iron constuction around it and then carve the wood with figures.

Pic 2:
Rewired everything behind tv. Needed to be don becouse it was a big bulk of wires all stuck to eachother. Couldne recognize what was going were. Hanged up lamp and batik bainting. Also same story with curtain rail. Made new frame for batik painting. What needs to be don? Get rid uf ugly table (still have to fix and recell). I have to put somkind of tape on the windows. Just the first 45 cm so nobody can look inside that easily anymore. Its somekind of big tape you can stick on it with a patern on it and it will bend light so you cant see clair trough it. Already bought one but not pretty enough. Ha, to bad.

Pic 3/4:
Same pics as one and two but from the other side of the room.

Just received text message from a girl i met a few months ago. She tells me she just have to wait for two more weeks to crush my skull :p. I met her at the last medieval fair and she also knows how to fight swords. So i said we could have friendly fight the next fair. She said oke and i told her i will be carefull since she was a girl (i made joke). Well she told me that it was oke to be carefull for a girl but since she was lady she will kick my but (she made joke back :p). Well i said lets see about that and now we got a duel. Hope she will not kick my but becouse i havnt don swordfighting for a while :p. Luckaly she will be wearing steel helmet so nobady could see she is girl. Just like i told you about supair :p. I will tel you if i win or not (maybe if i will lose i will not tell :p). Also i have duel with a good friend of mine so i will see if i can win that one but dont think so. I was quit good at swordfighting for a while and people told me i was one of the best within that group but havnt practised for a year already so my skills will be verry low again. Well yust see.

Okey honey, this is it for now and hope to hear from you tommoro. I will go to bed and have sweat dreams about you. Always dream about me in indonesia (makes my heart go boom boom :p). Love ya,Xx ps. candels in my livingroom wer lid for you my dear. Love you, love you, love you love you you love you many times muuuuuuuaaaaaaahhhhh

READ MORE - RE: islam preface 1

supair

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Hey,

Im sorry honey i didnt knew we were already in second stage. Now all this effort is for nothing becouse now i look like some one that tries to much . Just send it back to me becouse we dont have to do these things anny more .

Hhahaha, wrong moment you would think ha. Oke honey, this is me playing a game of supair. I didnt knew there were pictures taken and i was thinking lets try to explain to via how the game works. Here it is and yes im wearing the weird yellow clothes again. I like to be different and stick out of the rest with thair cool red, blue, black collars. < If you have a competition they all look the same eccept for me in my ugly yellow suit. People recognize me and alwais know i was the one who shot them. Hhahaha but enough mumbling for now.

Please dont stop sending me songs. Now i realy have a reason to beg for something. Im addicted to your singing voice and got all your cd's :p.


Xx

READ MORE - supair

RE: today

Saturday, October 18, 2008 4:49 AM

Hey girl,I also realy realy realy enjoid talking to you today. Just 15 minutes of pure Via on my phone :-). I was so happy afther your call i couldnt stop smiling the hole day. What an influance you can have on me :p.

My plans of tommoro are changed. There was a supair competition tommoro and one of my teammembers got sick. I have to fill in for him so i will be leaving 5 am tommoro to the other side of belanda. Its a 3M compettition so 3 man against 3 man will compeet with eachother during battles of 7 minutes. I think i will have to play about 12 games and hopefully we can reach the top 7. There are allot of teams competing that have allot of experience and also many sponsers. This means the have got many prectise and can afford expensive equepment. I will just do my best on this one and hope for the best.You wanne hear a supair(paintball) joke i heard the other day? No, why not? I will just tell you anny way :p.

"WHY GIRLS SHOULD DATE A PB PLAYER:1.WE KNOW HOW TO GET DOWN AND DIRTY. 2.WE ALWAYS WEAR PROTECTION. 3.WE HAVE AT LEAST A 14 INCH BARREL. 4.WE FIRE OFF HUNDREDS OF ROUNDS WITHOUT GETTING TIRED. 5.WE KNOW HOW TO FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS. 6.WE CAN FIT INTO TIGHT SPOTS. 7.WE LOVE TO BE AGGRESSIVE. 8.WE NEVER FORGET TO LUBE OUR PRODUCTS. 9.MONEY IS NO LIMIT. 10. A CONDOM IS A MUST. 11. WE FINGER FASTER"

Its a joke were they used some of the terms used in within the paintball world. For instense you always have to wear a barrelsock(condom) autside the plaing field becouse of safety. Also you have to have fast finger movement for firing the trigger. Anny way i will have some sleep now and talk to you tommoro. I will send text messages to you and tell you how im doing.

You also make me crazy honey and if peple find out that im crazy they will put me in a mental hospital. There is no cure for me loving you and my only remedy is to see you again and again and again. Hahaha i realy have to sleep now.

Love ya,

Xx

READ MORE - RE: today

RE: morning morning morning

Thursday, October 16, 2008 3:32 PM

Hey girl,

I read your text message but decided to take shower first and rethink all. The shower cleared my mind and be rereading the text message i could figure out the down feeling beneath the message.

A long time ago and far in the beginning i said that i try to go in december and also said it was me being stupid and couldnt make promise. We have bin talking about december ever since and i forgot this was a tight schedule to make happen. I have arranged everythin i could from money, requests and school but the only thing im not in controll is the verdict of the elder commision. They gather ones a month and becouse of next week is a holliday they will not gather. So they will gather next month. I have to wait till they givew me the green light to go. If i do not and start booking tickets i can end up with plane tickets i cant use. The other reason why i cant book tickets is becouse i need a visa first. Short visets need holliday visa's and you can buy them on the airport. Becouse im planning to stay long i have to make a working visa request. For this vise i need a invitation by the school im going and a approval of my school that im doing an internship there.
I cant just fly off and go to Padang dear. If i could i would but to bad im not that rich. I just have to wait for the verdict of the elder commision and than start a request for my long stay visa. From my last visit it took more than one month to finish the request. It took a long time for the invitation to be made by the university. I dont know how long it will take for this school to write an invitation but to bwe shure i asked my coordinator the old ones from the university. If i get green light i can send these old ones as a concept invitation to the DEk school and hopefully speed things up. If i receive the invitation it will take about twoo weeks to get my visa.

Honey im trying the best i can but some things im not in controll of. I cant give fix plan but the only thing i can give you is the date my internship has to start and when it will be finished. I have to start at 2nd of februari and it will end at the 30st of may. Am i planning to go earlyer? What do you think?

The first time i read your text message i tought the hell with it. I will not put a date on it and if she cant wait she is not ment to be. Afther shower to calm down i read it again and suddenly it was a hole different text message becouse i think there is a second layer.You dont want to get hurt and becouse im not shure about december you get doubts about everything. You have bin cheated by allot of people and i understand that my last reply made your dream crumble a bit and this is a way of pretecting yourself not to fall to deep in this dream. This is a bit of a dream but dreams can becoume reality. Atleast im trying to make it reality. Thats why im working hard and i dont want to trick you in anny way. I still havent the feeling that this is a foolish dream that im persuing. I want to make it reality. Everything is arranged but unluckely there are factors that i dont have control off. Everybody of my school is telling me to go and wish me luck. Why should the elder commision not to?
Please Via i dont like to bag and i will also do not. Keep your heart and listen to it becouse he knows best. If you think im not worth the waiting please tell me so i know. If i am worth the waiting tell me also sow i will keep do my best for you. I know i still keep my heart for you but ofcours i got allot of wurries.Dont let your hopes down becouse of my anser about december and dont listen to your bro's and sis that im not comming back. I will come back to you even if i have to cross over the hole fricking ocean by swimming. I just ask of you to keep your heart.

Xx

READ MORE - RE: morning morning morning

RE: my best friend

Wednesday, October 1, 2008 1:52 AM

I think you are already sleeping right now but im writing you anny way :p. I wouldnt trust that bf of yours. I have seen him doing all sorts of things but didnt make anny time to reply to his gf.

If i was your bf i would do differently. I would send you email every day :p.
So tommoro is the big day. What do you do on leberan day? Eat and go to see famillie?

About the assignment you send me. It looks a bit the same but to be honnest i didnt realy knew how to fill in all the empty places. I will send you the ansfers i wrote down that you asked me. Some of them are a bit unclear but you will figure it out.

first: do you know what you were born for? or since you were born and know how to live what are you doing as long as your life.- If I think of my life i think of study and learning. I cant see my life whitout study and i will never stop studying. I will learn from books, cours or school maybe. Also life is a jurney of experience. I will learn from everything i do even if its bad i will learn from it. I have bin born to live and learn till i get old and die.- For the past 22 years i have bin living for somebody else instead of me. I always put the needs of somebody else as top priority instead of my needs. I secrevised myself allot the past years for others without asking something back. The past half year i wasnt realy happy annymore, becouse people started to take adventage from me.Since im back from indonesia i stopt all my valunteer work becouse during the period i was gone nothing happend. They other ones didnt do annything. I realised i was the one doing all the work and they just took all the credit for it.Also i realised that im living now and have to make fun. I want to put myself in front and stop doing things for others. I know helping people is my nature but i will not do it annymore if it will hurt me in anny way. I like to help people so i think this is my goal in life.

second: do you know your position right now? today what you live for, what will you do thenHard to answer this question. I have bin reinventing myself for the past two years. Im still changing allot so i cant realy tell what my position is right now. Maybe this is my position :p. I can tell you the reason why i started changing allot but its a long story and will tell you later in voice record. Yes i know, i promise all the time to explain something in voice record but when will he start doing it? I dont know honey. making voice records with my mobiel was easy but mo other options all have complications. There is one who only records a max of 3 min and is almost out of memmory; the other one dosnt record clearly and the last one cant record verry well also. Trash is whit they are.I mis my indo phone. It was easy to make records and to listen to yours. Also all my indonesian music is on it and i cant listen to it anny more.- At this point i live for my study and my goal is get back to indonesia. I know there are allot of opsticals i have to pass but i will make it. I had allot more goals in my live but they got replaced for some person. Also he figured out he has to live now and stop investing in the far future. Investing is good but not at the rate i was doing it :p

third: from today to the end of life, what you gonna do?As a short answer i would say: live. I still thank my parrents that they gave me life and take care for me when im in need. They know im thankfull and i will keep reminding them im thankfull. The only thing they expact me to do is to make something of my life and dont ruin it. So the only thing i can say i will do something in my life and make the best of it.I cant realy say something about my future job. Im still student and dont know what kind of job i want to do. I would like to have my own busness in something but dont know what. The one thing that is in my planning is to get maried and have children. If i would say it on a crude way: i would like to spread my seed. I know i need a wife who i can protect and love. Also i want to have children who can take on my legacy. I know this sounds like a tipical man thing but deep inside i am a tipical man. One of my ex-gf told me that i have somekind of animal or basic instinct inside. She described me as a cave man who protects his sheeps. Also she could see it when i was angry about something or did showfighting with swords. My ex-gf described it as somekind of lights in my eyes that came out. This gf wasnt realy good to me becouse she was facinated by this animal and wanted to release it. Also this i will explain in voice record, becouse i want you to know why i like to do dangerous things and do agressive sports. <-- dont worry i never started a fight in my entire life. Also i wouldnt hurt someone who is dear to me.

Thamm, i have to stop writing right now becouse its already late. I think you will read this tommoro if you have time during leberan. I will be also verry bussy tommoro becouse i have to make clothing for someone. The funn part is im recording the proces on video so you will also learn a bit about my parttime tailer job.

Love you little girl.

Kiss

READ MORE - RE: my best friend

RE: how to fix this?

Wednesday, October 1, 2008 2:04 PM

Via, Via, Via, how can i fix this problem. I realy dont know how to fix it. I do not have internet on my mobile phone and in my own house i illegaly tap in on someone else his internet. On school i have internet but not during class. When im meeting someone i dont ask to use his/her computer. I cant reply you all the time.Im a person how dosnt like to use email or mobilephone to talk to someone. I like to see the person when im talking to him/her. This is new for me but im trying to do my best i can.

When i email you i want to send you quality and im not emailing you becouse of quantity. I realy love you Via but i also have to my things. You are in my mind all the time and dont be scared that i will forget about you already. Im still planning to go to indonesia, but becouse of school i have to wait. Its disturbing that i havent booked plain tickets yet becouse i know they get more expensive by the day. The only problem is i have to wait for my school to give me the green lights. I cant book tickets if i dont know for shure if i can go. Also i will not allow myself to book tickets for just two weeks of hollyday. Its just to much monney to use for two weeks. We just have to wait and let god decide if he wants us to be together.

Experience tells me that i have bin in many heat situations but it always ended well.This is my first longdistance relationship and sometimes i dont know what to do. Im used to see my gf several times a week but now its not possible. I already sayd to you i cant realy offer you anything to you. Im student and my future is not shure yet. Still we chose to do this couple thing and even now i know i made the right decision. You are worth the waiting and im still thinking of Via all the time.

Everyday when i wake up i wish you are the one i wake up next to. Everyday i hope something happens that i just walk out of my door and see you standing there. I think you have the same feelings for this bule but reality tells different. When i wake up you arent there and when i walk outside my door you will not stand there. It hurts every day and this is what you are feeling right?

Well i have the same problem and the only thing i can do about it is to work hard and show my school im worth it to go to indonesia.I dont think the frequency of emailing you is the bigest problem you have but the problem is that you are loosing me becouse the last two days my emails wernt that frequent. I know my emails arnt that frequent the last two days and i hate it that i cant make anny new voice records right now. But we just have to survive this for a moment.

If i got it all wrong my baby just ignore my email and forget all about i wrote just now. Im gonna take a shower and check my email afterwords.

I love you honey,

Xx

READ MORE - RE: how to fix this?

RE: unfair

Sunday, September 21, 2008 5:14 AM

You are crazy sending me a video like that. I like it, like it, like it, like it,iiiiiii like it... realy allot. Yes i know that im bussy all the time and not replying as often. If write email to you it takes long time to write. Im not that well in writing. I like voice better becouse its easier for me.
I dont hava datacable yet but my old phone has voice record functions. It can record up to 3 minutes so is not much but something. Its hard to get datacable becouse we dont have allot of shops how sell phone pars and stuff .

Today i helped my mother with decorating her new builing. It was realy fun but we took long time discussing things. We are both used to tell people what to do and are both not used to get orders. Becouse of this we had long dicussions about how and what to do. It took some time but we finnished the job and made allot of compromises. Helping my mother today made me remember how much we are the same. We both like to keep in controll and take charge of the situation. Its a good quallity but not if youput us in one room and ask us to do something together.

Also i have good news. I already gained almost 2 killo´s. I didnt start raining yet but i think it was becouse of the food in Indonesia. Im not used to it so thats why i lost so much waight.

To get back at that video again. There is something i want to tell you. First i want to say i realy like your new clothes and cant wait to see them for real. From the collers of the clothes i can see you have allot of emotions. In one of the first times i have seen you, you told me that you where an emotional person but couldnt see that in your choice of collers. Your collers told me that you are relax person in control and ellegant. You got me a little bit confused but watching your collers just now makes sense. You have red, green and more. Its also nice to see you being you. How you move, act, talk and do crazy things. It makes me realize how much i mis you my darling. Whatching that video made my eyes get a little bit blurr becouse of the fluids running thru it. There is still allot i want to tell you but first i need to find a dataable.

Im not sure there is much more to tell you about me. I already told you that i like to do busness, im creative, a little bit dominant person, like to tell someboddy els what to do, likes to be in control of himself and situations, im a deardevil, like dangerous stuff, etc. Oke there is still stuff i can tel about my self. For example there are some things that happen in my live that realy changed me as a person. I will tell you the sorys later on voice record.

Also people tell me that im diferent now since im back from Indonesia. I think allot different about some things now and also i feel like im a different person. Some friends tell me that they get the vibe from me that im just passing through. They tell me that im here (in Belanda of cours) but im not realy here. I start smiling when i tell about my experiences in Indonesia. Also they can see that im homesick to Indo. What they say is the truth and im feeling the same thing but i didnt know it was so easy to read from my actions.
I think allot of how my life would look like in Indonesia and how my lifewould look like living with you. I cant realy tell what future will bring me but we will see soon enough. I hope our relationship will work out and my subcontience actually already knows. To be honnest it dasnt realy make me scared but makes me worry a little. What if... I dont realy know what to say about this one but i will do some other time. Dont worry baby i still love you allot but i have some inner strugles i have to concer first. Maybe it beter to live now and dont worry about the future right now. I hope i didnt confuse you right now and if so please tell me.

My klock passed 12 oklock already so i have te get sleeping. Ilove you with all my hart and realy want tograb hold of you soon. I miss you allot and you are in mymind still.


Xx,

Geart.

READ MORE - RE: unfair

Re: lots of love

Wed, 9/24/08 5:54 AM

Its already late but still thinking of you. to be honnest i think you are every minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week in my head. Always thinking about that sweat girl Via. Still i keep my heart to you so that must mean something. How is t possible that somboddy that i just knew for two weeks makes me so crazy. What is your magic girl. I know you have nice smell so maybe thats it. Also your body movments are so tippical you and makes me grow weak from inside. Your way of making fun makes me realy atracted to you and wants me to keep you close. To bad im far away but im born in the right age. The age of computers and internet. I also know the time of typewriters and also iused them on school. Those were the times but now keepingcontact is simpel. A long there is internet i can break in whenever want. Becouse of this i can keep you close to me from a far distance. If only i could just drop by and pick you some mango´s and eat themtogeter. Of cours after breakng your fast.

You are a special girl Via. You are a little special girl. Beside your character i also like that you are small girl. I never had a small gf beforebut seeing you makes me realysewhat i missed all those years. If i think of you the first thing that comes upis you hnging in my arms. The last few times we meet you were always hanging in my arm and i was so proud. You gave me such a comfort feeling on those moments. hours passed by when i was with you. I must have bin so crazy about you but didnt want to show it. To bad i was mumbling all the time. Did you ever understand me? Hahahayou probally didntbut you were just lookin in to my eyes and saying yes on everythingi would say. Also youwere talking allot nd i still knowmuch of your long speaches. I realy enjoyed listning to you. Becouse of your big mouth i learned allot about you. To bad i cant tellyou everything obout me becouse if im telling you everything im not mistical man annymore and you will lose interest in me. I will not let that happen.

Bla bla... look at the stupid bule talking to him self. He has becoume crazy.Writing down his thoughts that dont make anny sense. Shall i send this to you or not? What do you think Via? Shall i send it? Yes? are you realy shure? It is just rubisch from a tired fool typing and you probally dont want to hear all of this. Oke if you realy want to have it i will send it to you but dont blame me that its no good.


I still keep my heart for you,

Mumbling from a fool.

READ MORE - Re: lots of love

Re: the indo language 3

Mon, 9/22/08 3.32 PM

To bad to hear that your parrents have problems right now. I hope it will get better today and you dont have to go with your mother to her village. My parrents also have fights sometimes but i dont realy like to se them fighting. Its not that often they fight eachother but when they do its most of the time about something realy small.
It is not realy a goog quallity that your mother is jellous but if you take a look from the other side its realy special that she still have so much love for your dad afther manny years. I hope your not a realy jelous person becouse i get many atention from people all the time. My ex-gf from a few months ago was a realy jelous person and we also had manny fight becouse of that. Everytime i spoke to a girl or told her i had a apointment with a girl she became jelous and start to talk realy negative about the girl i would meet. I told her that she had to change that quallity becouse if she would keep talking negative there will be serious problem with our relationship. I told her that she had to trust me (and let me do my thing) and stop calling the people that are dear to me bad names without knowing them first.

I also made a big mistake last week. I had to write a report of my experiances in Indonesia for my scollarship. I wrote a realy long report of 23 pages and it took me a long time to write. This morning i found a letter that states that my report my take a max of 4 pages. All that work and stress for nothing. Now i have to rewrite it and start all over again. Bluhhh.....

Are you staying home today. Maybe i can drop by and bring you some soup and kiss (or just long hugg).

Xx

READ MORE - Re: the indo language 3

Re: the indo language

Sun, 9/21/08 11:08 PM

That were long records. Thx for the indo lessen, i was already looking for a course but maybe i dont need one. I would realy want to learn your language. I know i cant realy write well (even dutch is a problem for me ),but i can pick speach realy fast. I already know 5 languages, but still i cant write. Its realy silly but i cant remember how a word is writen. Thats a weakness of me, but im trying to overcome that weakness. My dutch writing is already much better then a few years ago. Actually i think writing dutch is hard, becouse they have allot of spelling rule that dont make sense and also the change it once in a few years. It makes me realy confused sometimes.

I will try to get some studybooks for indonesian language and if you want you can help me study the language so i will know 6 languages in future. First i will learn the sentences you already gave me. Also when i was still in indonesia i already written down manny sentences. I will also try to lern them. If you say its not hard to learn i know i can do it.

Next weekend all my sis will be at my parrents home. My mother is getting 60 years old sowe have big party. I will take many pictures of them and my parrents so i can send them to you with voice record and tell something about them.
Also i will make this week or the next week pictures of my house. I cant realy make them now becouse everything is in boxes and stuft away. Tommoro there will be people in my house and the will build an heaing sistem in all my rooms. In your country you have AC to keep everything cool but we have heating system keep it warm. Last winter i didnt have heating system and was to stubern to get one. I thougth i didnt need one but it was a realy cold winter and my house was realy cold from the inside. If you would stand in it you could blow a condensecload inside my rooms just like in a cooling cell. Sometimes im to stubern but luckally i learn from my mistakes and ths year we want to have a warm house to live in .

About the paintball today. I know im not that good player yet but i know im much better then my teammates. I got a big medal thing to prove it . The problem is if i will stick with them i know i wil not get better. In the last tournament we played there were some games we won but i was always the only surviving teammember becouse they were alredy shotdown. There was even a game where they got shot within 10 seconds and i won the game all by my self. That was a game against the best players of belgium that year.
Oke this is me being a little bit of narcis person right now but i realy felt good to win by my self from three man that were crowned best players of the year.So enough talking about my supair sport but it feels good to tell someone about my frustrations right now. I already had it but afther the training today something inside of me was telling me to let go of this team.

This week i finished allot of homework and school stuff so this week i will spam your mailbox manny times with bla bla talk from little bule. Also i sated to do busness again on websites with buying and trying to sell. Today i put some pictures online of some stuff that was still laying in my house and also sombody asket me to build something for him. I took the job but have to finnish it within two weeks. Im back in buisness .

i will send this to you right now so you can read it before go to sleep. I will start preparring dinner right now becouse im verry hungry. I will send you more later.

Love,

G.

READ MORE - Re: the indo language

Re: unfair

Sun, 9/21/08 5:14 AM

You are crazy sending me a video like that. I like it, like it, like it, like it,iiiiiii like it... realy allot. Yes i know that im bussy all the time and not replying as often. If write email to you it takes long time to write. Im not that well in writing. I like voice better becouse its easier for me.
I dont hava datacable yet but my old phone has voice record functions. It can record up to 3 minutes so is not much but something. Its hard to get datacable becouse we dont have allot of shops how sell phone pars and stuff .

Today i helped my mother with decorating her new builing. It was realy fun but we took long time discussing things. We are both used to tell people what to do and are both not used to get orders. Becouse of this we had long dicussions about how and what to do. It took some time but we finnished the job and made allot of compromises. Helping my mother today made me remember how much we are the same. We both like to keep in controll and take charge of the situation. Its a good quallity but not if youput us in one room and ask us to do something together.

Also i have good news. I already gained almost 2 killo´s. I didnt start raining yet but i think it was becouse of the food in Indonesia. Im not used to it so thats why i lost so much waight.

To get back at that video again. There is something i want to tell you. First i want to say i realy like your new clothes and cant wait to see them for real. From the collers of the clothes i can see you have allot of emotions. In one of the first times i have seen you, you told me that you where an emotional person but couldnt see that in your choice of collers. Your collers told me that you are relax person in control and ellegant. You got me a little bit confused but watching your collers just now makes sense. You have red, green and more. Its also nice to see you being you. How you move, act, talk and do crazy things. It makes me realize how much i mis you my darling. Whatching that video made my eyes get a little bit blurr becouse of the fluids running thru it. There is still allot i want to tell you but first i need to find a dataable.

Im not sure there is much more to tell you about me. I already told you that i like to do busness, im creative, a little bit dominant person, like to tell someboddy els what to do, likes to be in control of himself and situations, im a deardevil, like dangerous stuff, etc. Oke there is still stuff i can tel about my self. For example there are some things that happen in my live that realy changed me as a person. I will tell you the sorys later on voice record.

Also people tell me that im diferent now since im back from Indonesia. I think allot different about some things now and also i feel like im a different person. Some friends tell me that they get the vibe from me that im just passing through. They tell me that im here (in Belanda of cours) but im not realy here. I start smiling when i tell about my experiences in Indonesia. Also they can see that im homesick to Indo. What they say is the truth and im feeling the same thing but i didnt know it was so easy to read from my actions.
I think allot of how my life would look like in Indonesia and how my lifewould look like living with you. I cant realy tell what future will bring me but we will see soon enough. I hope our relationship will work out and my subcontience actually already knows. To be honnest it dasnt realy make me scared but makes me worry a little. What if... I dont realy know what to say about this one but i will do some other time. Dont worry baby i still love you allot but i have some inner strugles i have to concer first. Maybe it beter to live now and dont worry about the future right now. I hope i didnt confuse you right now and if so please tell me.

My klock passed 12 oklock already so i have te get sleeping. Ilove you with all my hart and realy want tograb hold of you soon. I miss you allot and you are in mymind still.


Xx,

Geart.

READ MORE - Re: unfair

Re: Miss U again

Wed, 9/3/08 12:23 PM

Good morning miss,

Yesterday I had to stop writing my email becouse sombody was at my door. I forgot already allot of things that I was going to write but that dasnt mather. I will come up with new things :p. Today I will go to school again and ask some people about studying in Indonesia. I already asket before but they couldnt give me ann ansfer. Better luck next time.

Dont wurry about my frecuency of checking my email. Almost everywhere I go there is internet. I have a internet conection in my house but a broken computer. I will ask somebody to fix it for me so I can send you manny email. Im still listening to your voice records allot, but still yust three functions :p. I can almost even repeat every word you are saying except for the Indonesian text offcours :p.

Please dont become crazy!!! A mental patient is not realy atractive. Maybe a little bit crazy is atractive... I dont know annymore. Just stay the person you are when I was still in Indonesia and I will love you manny times x manny times more. If only I could just go outside my house and pop by your phone counter just like I did before. I would hugg you and never let go. I just have to wait till I get there again and then I will hug you and never let go. Maybe I will let you go for a few secconds so you can go to the bathroom but not anny longer :p. I miss you verry much and it becomes harder and harder every day. I want to see you again and hopefully verry soon. Realy, I mean realy realy realy soon.

Dont worry about me getting back to my ex girlfriend. I didnt had anny feelings for her annymore when I left to Indonesia. Also my love for you is to strong right now, so nothing will happen. I just hope you feel the same thing for me and also I have to trust you for keeping your love to me. I think you will, but if not I still want the best for you. Lets just hope everything will be fine and I can kick my but to Indonesia asap.

Yesterday I was currious about my weight afther my Indonesia trip. I lost annother 4kg!!! Ohw now, Im tiny again!!! It took me so long to gain a little bit of wait and now I already lost it afther just 6 weeks. Its not fair, now I have to start all over again with eating and training and eating and training and eating etc etc. I already had the idee that I was becoming smaller day by day. I was so proud off my realy small fat and muscle gain. I will get over this loss and start training again :p

Its already 7am in Belanda so I have to prepair myself for school today. The plan was not to go to anny classes this weak, but I get realy with bored doing nothing hole day long. I just go this day and I will see what to do tommoro. I will think about you all day and if I got anny spare time I will sneak off to ann quiet place to listen to your voice again and again and again :p


Love you so much my little via,


Big huggs from your bule man from Belanda,


And allot of kisses,


I cant stop saying goodby,


Oke just one more and then I realy have to go,


Like to hear from you soon my dear,


xx,


G.

READ MORE - Re: Miss U again

Re: Miss U

Tuesday, September 2, 2008 10:45 PM

Hey,

Yesterday I didnt want to email becouse I was thinking that it would be to much. To email every day at first and what if it became less afther a few days? Would it be wrong or will you get mad? Now I becoume crazy, I was only thinking about emailing you and checking my mail all the time if you had send me something. From now on I just gonna email you whenever I want and stop thinking about what is best to do. not emailing you yesterday made it only worse for me and I dont want that to happen. I like emailing you and I love also to hear things from you :p


Yesterday I went to school and the people in Belanda are so cold. Now I just came from a realy social country and I threw myself back in a place were I know i dont belong. Via help me, i dont belong here. I had a talk with my sis (the one ho went to Australia) and she also had that feeling. She sad it will go over afther a few weeks. Its so cold in this country and its raining all the time. I realy mis indonesia and the warm weather.

Im sorry that i dont write verry clearly right now, its becouse i got so manny feelings and i cant realy think when im writing it down.

Also you sad something about my englisch writing. I know my writing is bad, I didnt had a good practise in 8 years :p. Writing to you will help and if I use my own computer again I can install a spelling/grammer corrector. If you give me allot of motivation to write back (I know you will) my english writing will become better afther some time :p. Maybe if I learn Indonesian language I dont have to write in Englisch.


Thank you for sending me the voice messages. I realy like to hear them allot and I mean allot. I already put them on my mobile phone and listen to them a milion times. When I go to sleep; when I wake up during the night; in the morning; before shower and afther; when Im allone; just whenever I have time and manny more. Its so nice to hear your voice and to hear you say my name. Hearing you sing makes me calmdown and missing you evern more. Its like you are sitting next to me and telling me al those sweat things. There is yust one problem. You are a robot becouse youre telling me the same thing over and over again :p. I know I had allot off buttons when I was in Indonesia but you only have three in Belanda. Its not fair :p

I have to go now but I will keep in contact.


I love you,

Geart.

READ MORE - Re: Miss U

Report from Belanda

Monday, September 1, 2008 7:11 AM

Hey Girl,

At this moment Im sitting behind the computer at my parents house. Yes, that means that I got safely back to Belanda :p. I tried manny times to sms you but my phones were not working anny more. To bad becouse I wanted to tell you that I understand how you were feeling this past week. When I was in Jakarta I had allot to do and allot of people serounding me sow there was no time to feel sorry/poor.

This morning I spend 7 hours on the airport of Dubai and didnt had annything to do. Sow all the time I was thinking about you and how you say my name. I felt sow bad but could not stop thinking about you. I think this is how youre feeling right now becouse you also diddnt had much to do. Im ferry sorry I did that to you and please feel better soon!!!
This week Ill go to school to ask about if its possible to studdy uproad (Indonesia). I think thell think Im crazy becouse it will delay my studdy and for moost westeren peaple not efficient. I dont care about that becouse I think that staying in Indonesia will change me even more as a person :p. We will see what happens becouse the cant hold me.

I showed our pictures to my mom and thold her I did a stupid thing to fall in love in a country far away. At first she was a bit sceptical about it but I told here that you realy tuchet my hart and that it felt different from my other relations before. She sad that was a good thing, but you know how mothers are :p. She realy wants the best for my and she only heard the short version of it. Tommorro Ill tell her more about you. Also my sisthers will got crazy when the hear about this. I mean crazy in a possitif way. My sisthers are realy nice and will love to hear more about you. Also they like to bully me like your fammilie das like to bully you. I think it will be allot of fun.

Watching our pictures today again makes me realy calm and gives me good motivation to kick my ass back to Indonesia. I realy, realy, realy miss you and want to come back asap. Also Nathalie wants to go back to Indonesia to vissit her friends. She and I made a agremant to look for the cheapest way to get back there and maybe we can spent newyears eve in Indonesia. Dont wurry I want to spent newyears eve with you and not with Nathalie. She will probally stay in Jakarta with her friends and I want to go to Padang to vissit you off cours. Sow what do you think of this plan that I maybe can go to Indonesia in december? I also still want to go in february sow no wurrys there :p.

Hope to hear from you soon my love...


Hugs and kisss,

Geart.

READ MORE - Report from Belanda